Struggle worth risk

Page 13

When Connie Cunningham discovered she had talked two male friends out of suicide without even knowing it, she knew her career lay in social work. "I was already doing it all the time," said the former Peace River Metis woman now living in Fort St. John B.C.. "Those guys thanked me later."

The experience had a profound effect. Despite having grown up in poverty, with abuse in the home and having quit school at age 13, Cunningham made a pact with herself to enter the field of social work and help change some of the things she saw damaging the lives of all Aboriginal people around her. It wasn't easy.

Living in Peace River at the time, she enrolled in academic upgrading at the local campus of Fairview College.

"I had dropped out of school partly because of racism and partly because of a different set of values," she said.

Going back into the conventional education system was tough.

"I had low self-esteem; I didn't really think I could do it."

Although her Metis (Cree origin) parents had, on the surface, taught her to 'be proud of being Native', she'd picked up another message as a child growing up.

"I walked around with a lot of shame for a long time."

She later learned that her grandmothers were both raised in a residential mission school in Grouard, Alberta. They left a legacy of self-deprecation and lack of parenting skills that Cunningham found herself struggling with two generations later. Compounding her quest to reclaim basic education was her personal situation.

"I was going through a divorce at the time." She also had two small children. "I almost dropped out (of the upgrading program) a couple of times."

She depended - and still depends - a lot on the people around her for support. Although they didn't say much, her mother and sister quietly applauded her efforts. And Cunningham credits a Fairview college instructor, Buff Smith, with making a huge difference.

"I had the idea, but she gave me the confidence. She helped me believe in myself enough to go after what I wanted."

Smith is co-ordinator of academic upgrading at Fairview College's Peace River campus and also a teacher in the program.

" She had to be incredibly dedicated. Look how far she's got," Smith said of her former pupil who finished the Fairview upgrading course and continued her education at the Northern Lights College in Fort St. John, B.C. Cunningham will graduate in April with a diploma in Social Work - and she was an honor student in '96/97.

"Whatever she says she wants to attain, she'll do, said Smith."

Cunningham has indeed set a course.

"My long term goal is I want to work with abusive men," she said during a break from class. "After getting my diploma, I plan to pursue a Masters in Social Work."

She's drawing directly from her past in plotting her future.

"My dad was abusive to my mother, and then I married an abusive man."

She broke the cycle for herself, and is now intent on breaking it for others.

Cunningham has no illusions, however, about how much she can do.

"I don't expect to solve the whole male violence problem. But I'm hoping to get something started in the north. It's a challenge," she said. "Cunningham is overcoming challenges of her own. Money to pursue education is a constant problem.

"I don't qualify for any type of First Nations funding because I'm Metis," she explained. And assistance that is available for Metis doesn't cover post-secondary education. Taking jobs alongside - and sometimes instead of - classes has been necessary. To earn money before entering the Social Work program in Fort St. John, Cunningham worked for a janitorial service. Last year she worked as a peer helper at the college. Because she was turned down for some funding, she missed a semester. She was supposed to finish her program in January. Now a regular student loan program will get her through to graduation.

"I used to have to fight every year," she sighed. "It drove me up the wall.

She also volunteers in her field for the experience and personal satisfaction it delivers. Currently she's co-facilitator at a local drug and alcohol abuse centre. The job will become her practicum in January. Another challenge Cunningham has faced is internal attitudes.

"I had to let go of old beliefs that didn't work."

One was related to child rearing. Being a single parent, then going back to school, was a major leap.

"I had to convince myself it was okay," she said.

Today, her children are the greatest source of inspiration, and also her keenest fans. "They are totally proud of what I'm doing," she said about Misty, 16, Vanessa, 12, and Shelby, 5. "The biggest thing that keeps me going is I need to role model for my children."

Appalled by low high school graduation statistics for Native and Metis youths, Cunningham is determined to prove the value of staying in school.

"It's important in the world today to have education. I'm hoping that this whole generation will recognize its importance and become self-sufficient."

While she acknowledges that most schools run on a European model that clashes with traditional Native values and approaches, she says handling it is the only way out of countless destructive cycles.

"You have to fight fire with fire," she said.

What she most wants to give to her children is confidence in who they are and what they can achieve.

"I want them to know that no matter what happens in the world or with Native people, they can get over it."

She beams when she relates the attitudes her kids display.

"Now I hear them talk like I talk. They won't tolerate racism or any form of oppression. Misty wants to become a lawyer and Vanessa an author . . . Shelby, of course, wants to be different things every week."

Cunningham is as proud of her kids as they are of her.

"It makes it all worthwhile."

Kelli Moorhouse has been Cunningham's instructor and personal mentor at Northern Lights College.

"It's beena treat working with Connie,"

Moorhouse said in her tiny office crammed with books on counseling therapy, family dynamics and social welfare issues, " When I have a student like her, we explore things together. It opens doors; we both look at things in ways that challenge each other." Moorhouse has little doubt that her star pupil has chosen the right course.

"Connie has the ability to incorporate larger stuff with individual situations. She has a high level of self-awareness, and she's extremely non-judgmental.

"Connie is a very therapeutic person. . . that's her entity. She's really well-rooted, and she's on the road."