Fostering a “calling” for one family

As Sherry Weaver rushed to get her children ready for school the phone rang — an addition to a morning many parents refer to as controlled chaos. But unbeknownst to her and husband Doug, they were about to get much busier.

The hurried voice on the other end of the phone belonged to a case worker who told Sherry about an emergent situation involving a three-year-old girl and two-month-old boy.

The children needed a home and they needed one now. That was 17 years ago.

The Weavers at that point had been foster parents for over a year to two girls, aged seven and three. The two girls added to their family of three biological children, making their household a world of hustle and bustle but fun-filled and loving.

Over the years Sherry and Doug have been foster parents to about 15 children, some long-term and others short-term. Since Sherry is Métis, all of the children who have lived in their home have been Aboriginal.

“It’s important that the kids are brought up in their culture and are exposed to their roots, whether it is at powwows, sweats, just to have that support. We have a special place in our hearts for First Nations children,” Sherry said.

Sherry and Doug’s journey to become foster parents began with a passion.

“We wanted to help a child here in Alberta and we knew there was a shortage of foster homes,” Sherry explained.

The couple first attended a conference at the Native Unit Centre in Calgary with others who were interested in becoming foster parents. They were told about the qualifications, a six-week training program and different levels of care. The training prepared them with how to deal with emotional situations, behavioural issues, family cohesion, and in more serious cases, suicide prevention.  They also went through a significant screening process, which included a thorough application, intervention and criminal record checks, medical and personal references and a home assessment.

A week after having completed their comprehensive training, the Weavers became foster parents.

The decision didn’t come without a little apprehension, Sherry says.

“I think anyone in this situation would wonder how things are going to change. They question, ‘Am I ready for this? Is my family ready for this? What’s going to happen? Will I be able to handle everything?’ But then at some point you say, ‘Yes, we can do this’ and make the decision.”

Being a foster family means acting as an extension of the foster child’s family, Sherry says.

“They need support, structure, consistency, a sense of belonging and love. All children ever want is to know they are loved.”

After about six months it was no longer “Doug and Sherry,” it was “Dad and Mom” to their two new children.

“To see these kids grow up and to be there for them has got to be the most rewarding experience in a person’s life,” Sherry said.
But with rewards also come challenges.

Not only do foster parents need to love and take care of their foster children, there is a circle of people with whom they must work. That means dealing with a child’s extended family, such as grandparents, siblings or biological parents. Other times it means working with social services, case workers, schools, doctors and therapists.

“For some jobs you go to work and you come home but this is a 24/7, day and night responsibility. So it’s important for foster parents to also get the support they need. Successful foster parents admit that they need help sometimes. No foster parent knows everything,” Sherry said.

In Alberta, as of June 2012, 8,686 children were in foster care, says Human Services public affairs officer Lisa Shankaruk, and 68 cent of those children are Aboriginal.

 Shankaruk says the ministry is currently assessing the issues that create vulnerable families and why there is an over-representation.

Because being a foster parent comes with such responsibilities, Sherry admits that she wouldn’t suggest it to everyone.

Interested parents should ask themselves three questions, she says.

“They should ask, ‘What are we in this for? Is it from the heart? And am I prepared to deal with what is sometimes an emotional roller coaster?’”

Becoming foster parents was a calling for them, Sherry says. They knew they had a capacity to help.

“One of the best things for me is seeing my daughter, my foster daughter, receive her Grade 12 diploma. She is now in university and the best of all is that she still calls and says, ‘I love you Mom.’”