Success comes in small steps, says foster mom

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There's no question that Brenda and Paul Legere love kids. They must. Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, their lives are filled with children. Brenda runs a day home. Paul supervises a group home. They have three children, aged one, two and eight. And for the past five or so years, the couple have been foster parents.

In those five years, Paul estimates the couple has opened their home to upwards of 20 children. The length of time those children have been part of the Legere family has varied, with some children staying for as little as three months, while others have had lengthier stays.

One of the two 14-year-old girls currently in care with the Legeres has been a part of the family for almost two years and, according to Brenda and Paul, will likely remain with them until she's ready to be out on her own.

The Legeres indicated they find foster parenting very fulfilling. According to Paul, much of that feeling comes from "being able to improve the quality of life for someone who's had a tough time... and to see them grow."

According to Paul, there is only one reason for people to get involved in foster parenting.

"Do it for the love of the kids, not for any other reason, because there are no other reasons," he said.

Both Brenda and Paul spoke of the rewards they have gained through foster parenting: the sense of fulfillment they feel when they see the gradual changes in the children that come into their home - from improved grades to improved outlooks. Although the Legeres realize a sense of fulfillment through their roles as foster parents, Paul said that foster parents have to go into the program with a realistic view of what they will accomplish.

"If you go into it with rose colored glasses, you're going to be very disappointed," he said. "A lot of kids come in with a lot of issues."

According to the Legeres, some of that disappointment can come from expecting too much too soon. As Paul explained, foster parents have to look at the little things, the small improvements. They can't expect miracles.

"If you go out to save the world, you're going to be disappointed," he said. As Brenda explained, the improvements come in "baby steps."

According to Paul, the "one bad thing" about being foster parents is having to say goodbye to the kids when they are ready to leave your care. After five years, the two still find the goodbyes difficult, regardless of how long the child has been in their home.

"You grow so attached. Then you have to let them go," explained Brenda." You can never be their mother or father, but you parent them, you teach them, then you hope they turn out okay," Paul said.

As foster parents for Native children, the Legeres believe in the importance of providing positive cultural experiences for the kids in their care. Although the children coming into their home through the foster care program may have had previous exposure to aspects of their Native culture, the Legeres explained that for some of them it is their first positive exposure to Native traditions.

Their girls are involved in the White Buffalo Dancing Society, as well as with Coyote Kids, a program similar to Girl Guides designed for Native children. They also learn Native crafts, and attend powwows and round dances.

Brenda said her mother also plays a large role in providing the children with exposure to their Native heritage, taking them to sweats, and helping them learn Native traditions. One of the people who shares Brenda's and Paul's belief in the importance of ensuring Native customs and heritage are a part of the lives of Native children in foster care is Janette Fawcett-Weir. Fawcett-Weir is program director in charge of community awareness with the Edmonton District Foster Family Association.

Weir said that by supporting a Native child's spirituality and by exposing them to Native customs and Native heritage, foster parents can provide them with a "framework for healing and growth." She stressed the importance of Natie children having a connection to their Native community, adding that the children cannot simply be exposed, but must be immersed in Native culture; that it must be an important part of their everyday experiences.

According to Fawcett-Weir, such an immersion into the Native community is of great benefit to Native children in foster care.

"It builds self-esteem and their respect for themselves and for others around them," she said.

Anyone wanting more information about becoming a foster parent can contact the Edmonton and District Foster Family Association at (780) 496-3546.