Elders begin to realize the importance of their role

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My name is Annie Parker and I am a Shuswap Native. I come from Kamloops. I've been a drug and alcohol counsellor since 1984 ...

I've learned quite a bit about the youth. My main interest was in the youth, especially the young ones that come to me and say ... 'What is hate?' It's a big problem with some of the young... 'What is hate?'... Tell us what hate is and how we can overcome hate and we can help. Can you tell us what hate is and to learn not to hate and to change the hate into love. . . .

They are being told they are hated. Like seven, eight, [years old] they are being told that they are being hated and they don't know why, why they are being hated?

It wasn't so much hatred in my time; it was mostly survival when I was younger. When they took us away from our homes and we went to the residential school and we were wondering why we had to leave our home ... I had a beautiful outfit that my granny made me...regalia... I had two, so if one got messy then I had another set because we thought that was the way we were supposed to be dressed in school and so, low and behold, it wasn't so. They took away my two outfits and they gave me the school clothes.

When I first saw the nuns I just screamed because I thought it was some kind of spook or something. Because she came with all black...it scared the dickens out of all of us... It was always the strap to look forward to, the strap, and for us we learned religion more than we learned grammar and arithmetic and stuff. The more we learned of the religion, well, if we got 100 [per cent] we were treated really good. We were rewarded with three or four candies, which was really good... but the worst thing that I can remember is they de-flea-ed us...it was awful. That was in my generation. That was in the '40s, early '40s I guess. The nuns right away on the second day they give you the school clothes and then they de-flea-ed us, whether we had it or not. We didn't know why and so they poured coal oil on our heads and, lucky for us, we survived that. But we sure jumped around because it was burning our scalps, our heads.

And then we couldn't speak our language and, if we did, our mouths were washed with carbolic soap. Thank goodness I never see it anymore. I think the school used to make their own carbolic soap. And so our mouth was washed to make sure we didn't speak our language and that was a catastrophe. They took away so much, because I felt, even now, that we could have learned so many languages, you know, with one another, because they had the Okanagan and all the languages out there amongst us. We could have learned so much....

When I first started [to work as a drug and alcohol counsellor] I was terrified, how to start it. So I asked the clients, 'Please, can you help me out? This is my first time.' And they said, Oh, that's easy, Elder.' So they started talking to me, and from there it's been a breeze since '85...I believe I've helped a lot of children, in between [middle aged], and even Elders. Even some chiefs and councillors come when they have a burn out ...

One that sticks out in my mind, I was talking to some young ones, around 16 [years old] ... I was having a workshop and this little girl came and she was 10 years old ... She came to the door and she asked if she could come and talk to me, and of course the children told her no, she couldn't come in. And I said, 'no, this is my session and it is for you and this young child. What she's got to say could be involved with you, what you are doing at home, what's happening.' So I asked her to come in and she said, 'Can I call you auntie?' and I said 'Yes, you may.' So she sat on my lap and she proceeded to tell me her story, when she goes home.

She hated to go home from school because every time she opened her fridge there was just booze in there. And every time she opened the cupboard, there was no food in the cupboards. She would find booze on the floor... I asked the other childre if they were experiencing the same thing. This child was asking me for help. 'Can you tell me how to help my mom and dad? I hate the booze. I hate the smell of it. Can you help me please? Tell somebody to help me?' I said I would see what I could do. She looked at me and I felt ... she wanted it now. I told her I would get on to it right away. So I asked this Elder man if there was any way the children could be helped, and he said 'We'll see about that, and we'll talk. And we've got to put a vote and see how we can help the children.' I said 'These children need help now, because if they get help now they won't become alcoholics and druggies when they grow up.' I think it took them a year before they were able to do anything...

Like they say, it takes a community to help a child... all we can do is give advice...I am able to talk to [the chief] and I'm going to get him to speak at the Elders to put more input into the children. And those in between, to see if we can stop the cycle... The Elders should get more totally involved with what is going on. Not just be heard and go home. They should stop and look at the children and look at themselves, and this way if they can start looking within themselves and look into the child... it's our future. The children are our future, the future generations to come. This way, if the children learn and then when they grow up they can be free from drugs and alcohol and this way they can help the next generations to come. But to get to there is another big question.

You have to start from the home, the parents, the aunts and uncles to take a reading of themselves and see what they are doing in the home. When you walk in your home you want it to be drug and alcohol free. And you want to feel the love and compassion in the home to be totally relaxed and to start showing love for one another. And to learn to [provide] lots of hugs for the child. And to pray is the most important thing.

Like before you eat, you start to teachyour children to start from the table ... That's what I do with my grandchildren. I get them to sit at the table. They've been listening to me when they are younger and now they're starting to pray along ... they are saying a prayer with you. I have hope there for my grandchildren, because they are starting to learn to pray. They listen to you and they learn the love for the home and their love for their [grandmother]. And that's where it starts, in each home...

The Elders are starting to realize how important their role is. The Elders are going to disappear. They have the younger [people] coming up and they aren't going to know anything. So the Elders have a big role and to start telling the next generation of Elders-to-be how to start being good teachers and good examples to the young ones.

It only takes a minute to grab your child and give him a hug. Let them know how much you care for them. And your brothers and sisters are showing the same compassion, the same love for one another. There is so much the Elders can do to help the young, but the Elders have to learn how to get together first and to be able to be good teachers and show their wisdom to all the young. This way it's full of encouragement for them that are coming up.