Holiday season can be stressful [column]

DEAR AUNTIE
By J’net AyAy Qwa Yak Sheelth Cavanagh

Dear Auntie:
The holiday season is coming up fast with staff parties and New Year’s Eve plans. I feel the stress of what to do. I have been sober and clean for 18-months and want to know how to handle the stress of being sober and clean during the holidays? Raising my three kids on my own means I have extra money during the holidays now that I have quit the party scene. My former party pals know I am sober but still try to convince me to pitch in for upcoming parties. Over the last year and a half I feel more and more isolated. What can I do to make this holiday special and get through it sober?
Signed,
Clinging To My Sobriety

Dear Clinging To My Sobriety:
I am proud of you and this 18-month continuing journey you are on with your sobriety. This is around the time of year I remember helping organize National Aboriginal Addictions Awareness Week events working as a trauma counsellor. The holidays are stressful at the best of times and that much more with the pressures you describe.
Aside from staying sober, most everyone has to budget the extra cost of gifts, visiting, feasting and there may be added emotion with memories of beloved family members we have lost and cannot share the holidays with. Glad you are asking for direction to help you stay on track and true to the needs of your growing family.
Isolation is challenging to overcome while you renew a network of friends, and support will take time to nurture once you walk away from the party scene. This will test and reveal which friends want to support you or as you described pitch in for upcoming parties?

Solo parenting presents even bigger barriers to being isolated. Personally, I got involved with parenting groups through Friendship Centre programs that fortunately included shuttle rides, meals and child minding. This meant at least once a week I got a break for a few hours from the kids and enjoyed adult conversations that did not involve correcting behaviors. This was a vital way to offer myself some stress relief.

Clearly you value the needs of your children and know that your determination to make sure this a memorable family time will take resistance to temptation. One idea is listen for free to affordable family events and plan to attend with your kids, so, when people ask, you can explain you have plans already.

More challenging would be to share your limits and kindly ask these friends to stop asking you to hang out in the party scene because you have your family’s needs as your first priority.

Making homemade holiday gifts or cards may be of interest as a family activity. You can put extra attention into rehearsing for upcoming school concerts, and there is always decorating and baking.

Keep It Simple Sweetie is a classic AA saying–be gentle, caring and considerate of yourself and your family’s needs. Remember, you did not just quit drinking, you also started a new beginning with your growing family at the heart of your journey of wellness.

Lovingly, Auntie