A person with schizophrenia speaks out

Page 22

I have a disease known as schizophrenia. Individuals with this disorder vary in their presentation of symptoms. For me, there are days when everything is detailed, scary and frightening, or there are days of seeing things moving around in my apartment which are not really there. There are days where I weep because my life is one big roller coaster. Then there are days where extra medication is the only answer. Finally, there are the days where I've been successful.

Days where I function and can make sense of my world and the books I read, such as school texts, are the days where life becomes full of zest and brilliantly wonderful. However, sometimes I feel insecure, dazed and even frightened of people. Then there are the days where I need to take extra medication because of extra stress, and this stress invokes voices and hallucinations. I even fear being alienated by people with or without the illness. Whatever it may be, I have my ups and downs.

In the evening is when I feel most vulnerable to the ghosts surrounding me. Sometimes they make me feel like I am "crazy in the head." Then there are times where I feel most fearful-fearful of the world because of how big it is and how dangerous it may and can be. These apparitions do not harm me; actually, they just move around and act like a group of people who live a life similar to mine. However, the apparitions live in a different time frame, a different era. Really it is like a parallel world, and they do not really notice that I am around. The strange thing is though-I notice them.

There are the crying days. On these days, I cry because I am all alone without many friends, and I lack social support networks. I also weep because I cannot function like other people, because I do not fit in, and because of the stigma that is associated with schizophrenia. I cry because I fear the voices may return when I am feeling "stressed out," and I do not want them to come back. It is an emotional roller coaster.

Medication is a necessary form of treatment for schizophrenia. Individuals on medication respond differently. Some individuals may be over-medicated to the point of slurring words or sleeping all the time, or even being medicated to the point of behaving like a zombie. For me, medication works and is necessary. It makes me feel great. I feel a lot better on medication.

Although my medications generally work well with my body and mind, there are times I need extra medication. When I hear voices or see the apparitions I take chlorpromazine and it helps rid my mind of these two disturbances. If science didn't provide the medications that we have today, society might still be isolating us, putting us in to asylums where they used electroconvulsive therapy, lobotomies and insulin overdoses to help rid the schizophrenic person of his or her symptoms. We need to thank science for its discoveries and continue to advocate for further research so a cure for schizophrenia can found.

I would like to share that I have completed two credits from a nearby college and I plan on obtaining my writing for publication certificate within the next year-and-a-half. My medications have helped keep me mentally healthy and stable so I can complete my course work. Thanks to the doctors who have made my life much happier and better. I don't presently experience many of the symptoms I've discribed in this article. On medication I can now function like a regular human being and be successful in school and in life.

Editor's note:

Douglas James Brown is a Swampy Cree living in Ontario.