Just a few suggestions for Minister Bubba

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On Ground Hogs Day will the real shadow of Robert Nault please stand up!

An Open Letter to Bob Nault

Hi Bob:

In the time-honored tradition of my Elders, I have decided to bestow upon you a Native name: Bubba of Rideau Canal. But before we make the ceremony, a few points I'd like to cover.

You've got to tone down the tough guy facade. What we are seeing in our image-conscious world is that you are a big bully picking on the small guys. Bad enough that you have taken the oomph out of the AFN, now you are saying that their budgets are a mere down-payment, as if the money was yours to dole out. And now it looks like you've got Southam News in its post-liberal editorial makeover, backing your plans.

On top of that you are threatening Indians by saying you'll recruit the Metis to help you change the Indian Act. John A. McDonald will turn in his grave for this one (I am sure he must be mummified). Befuddled to learn that he might have recruited a fierce Dumont or fiery Riel to square off against Big Bear and Poundmaker, McDonald may well come back to life for one last go at the Indian problem.

I heard the other day that it cost $47 billion to run the INAC (Indians and Natives after Caucasians) program. I also read you bragging about not being affected by federal program cuts. Yet education, health and housing monies have all been sparse in our communities. Many of our Elders died off because of sloppy housing and infrastructure on your Indian reserves, the rewards of a typically good residential school education. So, where's all your money going?

I'm telling you, Bob, take a look at the legacy of the honored ministers of the immediate past of INAC and you'll find the key that will unlock the mystery to getting along with Indians. A run through the vintage list of Indian agents is a good start.

Take Ran Irwin (please). Wasn't it he who loved to overlook the AFN in consultation with Indians. Unlike Jay n Stewart who caddied for the AFN at government soirees, Ran was more like you. He couldn't stand the former National Chief. But he didn't run from him like you ran from Ovide in Burnt Church. When we saw you run from him, we all thought it was quite bizarre and cowardly. It was a key turning point for your image.

I still have an old video of the day your boss, the venerable Jean Crouton, another vintage Indian agent, made the announcement of the White Paper policy. He said that he wanted us to be able to live lives like other Canadians, to be equal citizens-to be more like whitemen. Sounds familiar. Maybe now you might understand why I want to name you Bubba.

A couple of years ago I was entertained by a comedy skit. The Indian comedian said that he'd had a nightmare. He dreamt he was a whiteman and finally equal to everyone else.

During the fleeting moment of the dream world, he had to file all kinds of taxes. When he went to pull out his Indian status card, it had turned into a credit card. He had bills up the yin yang. There was the health club, the Jaguar, the suits, the wine and the women! He looked at his bills and discovered that he was already paying for his headstone. He had a sailboat and a condo in Whistler, a cellphone ringing in every pocket. People stopped calling him "chief". Everywhere he went he stood in line. Worst of all, he had to shave twice a day.

No one was laughing in this sparse audience. I was killing myself, saddled with stomach convulsions.

Suddenly I noticed everyone staring at me as though the comedian and I were in cahoots. That's when I realized the paradox of being Indian in Canada. So I pulled out my Indian status card, put it to my head and everyone looked away.

Can't we all live together and appreciate the fact that we are different? I mean, who are you fooling about all this Indian Act stuff anyway? You can't change things until individual dignity is reconciled with that of the whole.

Personally, I like the meaning of the two-row wampum treaty, wherein we are supposed to lie equally. Side by side we take a similar journey through life, maintaining and nurturing a mutual respect for our institutions.

So, like them or not, you're gonna have to put up with the AFN. I hate to say it, but they are the ones our chiefs put in place. Such is the double face of Canadian justice and western democracy. Whether we like them or not is irrelevant. If we cast a vote then we buy into the process. A chief is a chief is a chief. We support the efforts of the nation if we believe in public order and civic governments. To give with one hand as the other takes away is a rotten way to govern. And that's what we see you doing Bubba!

Now, the name giving ceremony:

As Meganumbe, I hereby exercise my "Nativeness" to grant you a Native name: Bubba of Rideau Canal. The name carries with it an aura of bulliness and chivalry. The name will stay with you as long as you continue to cast the shadow of your bosses and until you realize that it's the simple things in life that count.

Hold your head high when the Indians walk all over you. Just tell them that you are Bubba of Rideau Canal and that your motto is: Ask not what you can do for the Indian Act, but what the Indian Act can do for you.