OTTAWA REPORT

Page 2

Brian Mulroney

Prime Minister of Canada

House of Commons

Ottawa

Dear Brian:

Have I got an idea for you! It's so good I think you could use it to get yourself re-elected. The best thing is, it won't cost anything at all. I won't tell you what it is right now, but I will give you a few hints.

My idea, like a few of the ones you've had lately, comes from south of the border. On Sunday, Americans will celebrate a day that perpetuates a national fraud. October 12th is Columbus Day - the day Americans engage in an orgy of chest-beating an flag-waving - all because of a 10,000 mile mistake in navigation 500 years ago.

Most people will tell you Christopher Columbus discovered America and a guy named John Cabot discovered Canada. Cabot made his visit five years after Columbus,

it's true. But since he knew he wasn't in India, Canadians take pride in saying that Cabot made the "intellectual discovery" of America.

Now there's a funny thing about both "discoveries," Brian. With names like Christopher Columbus and John Cabot, you might get the impression that these were good-ole-boys of the white Anglo-Saxon variety. Wrong.

They were Italians. Their reals names were Cristoforo Colombo and Giovanni Caboto. Americans and Canadians like to think of them as John Cabot and Christopher Columbus because they probably don't like to think that the brave and noble explorers who "discovered" this continent were a couple of immigrants who couldn't speak English.

Another funny thing is that neither one of them was really the first European to pay a visit here. That distinction goes to Leif Ericsson, the Viking son of Erik the Red. He was here five centuries before the Italians.

Everyone knows about Leif Ericsson but that doesn't stop the charade - and what

a charade! In the States, Columbus Day is big stuff. It's a national holiday. Businesses, schools and government offices are closed. There are parades, speeches - the whole shebang.

Things are not like that in Canada, Brian. But they could be and it could mean votes for you.

By the way, have you guessed what my idea is yet? Well, here's a hint.

Take a look at those new postage stamps. There's a set of four that is particularly colourful. One makes a vague reference to Canada's original inhabitants. Another mentions the Vikings. A third notes the discovery of Hudson Bay. But the fourth stamp celebrates (ta-dah) John Cabot and his landfall on the coast of Canada.

Here's another hint. My idea will make David Crombie's new job as Minister

of Multiculturalism a lot easier. He'll be much more successful in getting the ethnic community, especially the Italians, to vote for the Tories - if you act on my idea. The payoff in votes could be substantial, especially since the one language spoken more than any other in Canada, next to English and French, is Italian.

So, add up all the clues and figure it out. Give up?

Well, here's my idea: Declare a national holiday in honour of John Cabot. And just to make sure you nail down the Italian vote solid, I suggest you use his real name and call it Caboto Day.

Just think of the advantage! The English would still have Victoria Day. The French would still have St. Jean Baptiste Day. The Italians would get Caboto Day and

the Tories would get at least ten million ethnic votes on Election Day.

I should tell you, though, Brian, that there is one drawback to my idea. Most Native people are going to be pretty angry about it, especially the Indians and the Inuit.

I'm not sure about the Metis, but I think they might want to join in the celebrations, because if the Europeans hadn't come along in the first place, they wouldn't have anything to celebrate at all.

For other Native people, though Caboto Day would be just another insult to add to that guff about the French and the English being the two founding races of Canada - not to mention the way we always get lumped in with the likes of John Cabot, Henry Hudson and the Vikings on a set of ostage stamps.

I know you probably won't worry too much about Native complaints because there are, after all, more Italians in Toronto than there are Indians in all of Canada. But if you do like my idea, Brian, here's my suggestion on how you can keep peace with the Indians and the Inuit.

Since the Metis are a provincial responsibility, all you have to do is cut a straight two-day deal with the Indians the Inuit on self-government. Speaking for the Indian, I 'm sure that if we get a good deal on self-government, you won't hear a peep of protest from us about Caboto Day.

Yours truly,

Owenadeka