Reader considers own Indian identity

Page 7

Enoch Band

Who am I?

In these days of age when there is new technology, new changes, I tend to dwell in thinking of how I fit in the changes.

One thing comes to mind as I noticed in the mirror while I shave. My skin is white but I am Indian deep down. Through some personal experiences I found that one thing sticks out in my mind in relation to my appearance.

For example, when I was 20 years old I was to meet with a certain individual who worked with Department of Indians Affairs in the education department. She mentioned to me that I looked white. That didn't bother me, but she mentioned "Oh well, you looked like a white man, but you might as well take all the Indian rights to your advantage." Now the interpretation I understood was "you're a white man, but go ahead and soak your hands in the Indians' wealth. That bothered me."

Another is while working at the rec centre on the reserve in helping with the wedding in setting up tables for the buffet. One table had an unlevel leg. I overheard one farmer (non-Indian) mentioned to me, "I bet you one of those damn Indians probably sat on it." I retorted to him, "I am one of those damn Indians." And for some reason this guy seemed to evade me by steering clear. I don't get militant about Indian power but I will not sit back for Indian abuse.

My understanding and the ability to work with people has been self-taught through my years of working for and with the people of any color, race or creed. Worked with six years invested with the youth in group homes, on the streets. Five years of community services in recreation and volunteer services. Twenty-four years of my life invested in learning to live with people due to the fact of my absence of my family life being disrupted when at the age of five I had to learn to meet people, live with the people and accept that there are all sorts of people out there. I've been through the pain of my life's survival. Through foster homes, Blue Quills School, group homes, I learned how I must accept situations and experiences that I've been through.

I can express and share the tragedy. I can share the positive as well in my life's span, but it would sound too theatrical. But it's been my truth.

As I wonder now I look at some of the youth who will perhaps go through a hurtful, perhaps damaging experience for themselves.

How will they feel that why are they calling me white man when I'm Indian? Why are the white men calling down Indians? Where do I turn to when I am on both sides of the mirror looking for a direction. How do I handle my loneliness.

In response to whoever feels any part of my personal acknowledgment in the paper that this must be considered"

1. Accept this child or person for his status and his/her own person.

2. Talk and give understanding of how they feel.

3. Encourage them to learn to forgive and accept the criticism given by both sides.

4. You are Indian. Be proud for who you are.

I have always wondered if anyone in my status position has ever made any voice/concern of how one would feel. To just mention that "hey! I am Indian, I may look white, but this blood runs red."

I somehow would dream that after a movie was made, "A Man Called Horse," that I, too, would be in his position. He was accepted by the people of the Indian nation and here I am an Indian working to be recognized as an Indian.

I will write for myself and for others who have felt the struggle and pain.

I remember one time at the Bonnyville Rehab and an Elder was sharing his love to a group gathering. Mr. Poitras mentioned, "My children we are here for some purpose of yourself or others. Kenny, my son, you look like a white man, but accept your Native heritage because in the future your color and your status will help your people."

I always thought about his words and encouragement to me. Somehow deep down I feel this light. This has prompted me to perhaps believe this is time for me to carry out his words over my concern in an article i the Sun tabloid. Regarding: Saddle Lake versus the town - August 1, 1986. Somehow as I looked at the article I felt compelled to write this article and perhaps submit my name to go out and work there.

Could this be the goal I'm looking for? I can't answer this until I do the job first.

I thank you for allowing me to voice my feelings, my concerns in your paper if you wish to publicize my article.

May our ancestors watch and guide us for whom are are.