A tribute to Eric, my friend

Page 4

It has been a short time since my little cousin, Eric, died in a car accident. As with many who have passed on in similar circumstances, he did not have to die.

Eric was a passenger in a van heading home after a party. The intoxicated driver lost control of the vehicle and it rolled over. My cousin, who was not wearing his seat belt, was thrown from the van. He died instantly when his body slammed into the pavement, crushing the back of his skull and breaking his neck. Just like that, Eric became a statistic.

Sure, tears rolled down my cheeks as well as those of the other 200 or so people who came to see him off on his spirit journey. This incident shook up our whole community and it left everyone in a state of shock.

Eric was in his twenty-second year of life. He always had a smile and a kind word when you ran into him. He was respected by everyone. He left behind a partner and a small, four-year-old daughter.

He was raised in the bush; this week he and his dad, brother, uncles, grandfather and cousins would be moose hunting. He worked in the bush on the same forestry crew as me. He was hard-working and consistent-who could ask for more?

Eric was one of the first people to come and sit at the drum when I brought it back to my community some 12 years ago. Even back then, as young as he was, he stood out because of the respect that he showed for the drum and its teachings. He was someone who I could trust.

Eric was not an everyday drinker but indulged when the rest of the youths in his age group got together. Most of the time the parties took place in the community; other times they traveled to neighboring communities to party.

It's not just down-and-out, wino-type people who die alcohol-related deaths. In this case alcohol took a young man who thought that it was all right to get in a car with others who had been drinking.

The final outcome of the night of good times was one dead, three others seriously injured, one little girl whose father will never play or hold her again, and a young man charged with the death of another. Eric's partner and his daughter's mother almost died. The driver and his partner, who was the fourth passenger, have two small children together. Last but not least, two communities are looking for answers while dealing with tremendous grief.

You may think that I am resentful and angry that my beautiful cousin had to die this way-damn right I am! But having achieved sobriety in my life I have an understanding of what happened. I'm also looking at the good that I see can come out of this tragedy.

Up until this incident happened, our younger generation thought that they were invincible and that nothing could happen to them. On the contrary, I sat looking into the faces of dozens of young people who sat stunned, looking at an open casket and at the body of a person who was supposed to live out his life as a part of their group.

There is, however, a positive side to this story. There are many of us men in our community who will step forward and be that father figure for Eric's little girl. The whole community will do our best to ensure that she knows her father.

I saw our community pull together and perform a totally traditional burial ceremony, the first of its kind in well over 100 years in our community. I saw the young men and women taking on their traditional roles with 150 per cent effort.

What was beautiful to watch was a few of the four- and five-year-old girls (my own daughter included) perform their own ceremony utilizing our spiritual leader's medicine bundle. His bundle was open on the floor. The girls walked over, sat and kneeled on the floor, and with his Eagle feather smudged themselves with the sage that was burning in his smudge bowl, and proceeded to carefully and respectfully go through every item in the bundle. They then approached the casket and had their own little meeting and discussion. Coming to their own understanding of the situation they then went outside to ply.

Every age group had its support system, from the young to the old, with the exception of the infants-their job was to remind us that death is a part of life and that life does go on. The children performed without a flaw for the larger audience. The older children, youth and young adults talked about changes to come, and that alone is good.

Eric's death symbolizes the beginning of change, we hope for the best, for our community. Many people touched by Eric's death will find that their lifestyles will change. Programs addressing alcohol awareness will resurface in our community. Over time, Eric's family will become stronger and the current excruciating pain will lessen.

Eric's daughter will know who her father was and that his death marked the beginning of a new direction for many people in our community. She will know little of Eric's alcohol behavior but lots about his compassion towards people, his great sense of humor and his kindness and gentleness.

Eric's partner, who was critically injured in the accident, is starting to physically heal; she will be strong for her daughter. She has the support of family, friends and community. She will hear and read the police report-the part that says that she "and Eric were kissing when the driver lost control of the van." Knowing that her last moment with Eric was one of love-a kiss shared-will, we hope, bring her some comfort.

Eric did not have to die, but that is the way that alcohol works. Alcohol does not discriminate and is not prejudiced; it doesn't care if you are good or bad. I've looked for and found the good in this tragedy and I have my closure. Now I can only watch and wait and see how our community deals with this, and of course I'll assist where I can.

Good-bye Eric. This cousin will truly miss you.